The blog has gone quiet, largely due to technical issues. My laptop has died, my desktop is often busy and too distracting, my phone app has become buggy. None of that’s a big problem because, to be honest, I have delayed and delayed and procrastinated finishing this icon. I still am.
Today however is different; today I will pick up my brush and do what I need to do. There are several fantastic quotes I could use here from “The War of Art” about how we will do almost anything rather than the thing we really want to but the why of it is what I’m struggling with. I have commissions queued up, sketches ready, ironing piling up higher than my daughter..
He writes (colourfully and with a bit of ‘language’): Resistance is the most toxic force on the planet. It is the root of more unhappiness than poverty, disease … To yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be. If you believe in God (and I do) you must declare Resistance evil, for it prevents us from achieving the life God intended when He endowed each of us with our own unique genius. Genius is a Latin word; the Romans used it to denote an inner spirit, holy and inviolable, which watches over us, guiding us to our calling.. A writer writes with his genius; an artist paints with hers; everyone who creates operates from this sacramental center. It is our soul’s seat, the vessel that holds our being-in-potential, our star’s beacon and Polaris.
Every sun casts a shadow, and genius’ shadow is Resistance. As powerful as is our soul’s call to realization, so potent are the forces of Resistance arrayed against it. Resistance is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, harder to kick than crack cocaine. We’re not alone if we’ve been mown down by Resistance; millions of good men and women have bitten the dust before us. And here’s the biggest problem: we don’t even know what hit us. I never did. From age twenty-four to thirty-two, Resistance kicked my ass from East Coast to West and back again thirteen times and I never even knew it existed. I looked everywhere for the enemy and failed to see it right in front of my face.”
But the real problem is this: If I finish I have to admit I’ve failed. There are things I would change but can’t. There are faults I can see a mile off. It’s not perfect. Not painting is not going to fix them and so today, I will take as many steps as I can to complete it and try again.
God grant that you don’t see the errors and He gives me the strength to go past them and try again.